it seems so many are having a rough time with life, right now...is there something is the air? times are hard and i think the energy of the entire planet is in a bad way..it is having it's way with our economy...our health and our lives in general and the love in our lives....how can it not? so we have to each individually take control of our selves and change the vibration... in ourselves- find our love...and learn how to use it...
love is truly the only thing that makes life worthwhile...not i-phones, laptops or dvr's ... jewelry or new over-priced shoes....possessions are distractions- nice to have...but when they become the sole purpose in life -what does your life 'mean'? ...i would really like to have a wii...i have wanted one for awhile now and will get one eventually- when i am able to...but you know what? in the meantime i have a life and can't imagine being obsessed with having a wii...but it seems so many of us become fixated on possessions... often to replace love....and situations we are not in that we would like to be....instead of focusing on the good things in our lives and, perhaps... things we need to change in our selves to change life for the better....a wii is not going to make my 'life' better...it will make one more thing i have to dust- but keep me 'moving' in the winter....all things have pros and cons ;-)
i am very grateful for what i have..i don't have alot of 'things'...and i don't care...when i get a little down about 'life' and losses... i try always to turn my thoughts to the good i have in my life...the greatest of those things being love...people i love... pets i love... activities i do with love ...and i make a mental list of all the other things i have to be grateful for...it helps..ALOT... writing it all down, even better- when possible...
when you look around -get your focus outside of your own head- you will notice how truly bad some people have it in life- worse than you....and that can help you to be more grateful and to realize it is because that is what they expect... because they don't think enough of themselves...are you doing that, as well?
we can get stuck in our conditioning and perceptions and never realize there are so MANY ways to see a situation ..it was a very wonderful therapist who showed me that years ago...he showed me that the blame i was placing on my father for so many things in my life needed to be turned around... to me taking responsibility for my own feelings AND my SELF IMAGE...he also showed me that my dad was human- who was also once a child..and from a very dysfunctional family, himself - who had never resolved his own issues..and so- they were handed down to me....when i came to that reality- it was easier to forgive and easier to take on the task of changing my own level of self-respect...it did not happen instantly...it took years and i got knocked around emotionally AND physically here and there... made more 'mistakes' but i learned from all of them- because i was aware i needed to.... and i learned how to truly love-i studied- read -trusted and tried and learned...it was not easy to give in to care for another person's well-being with no expectations or conditions...but we must if we really want to have a real love in our lives- and this is with every relationship of any kind.. even with our PETS....and there are moments we fail with that and are selfish but if we have the awareness of it we can correct ourselves.... ok- we are human and have to have boundaries too-it is a tricky balance..in a 'perfect' world we would not need boundaries but it is NOT a perfect world...so we do need to 'expect' a couple of things in order for this to work...respect, and trust being my two biggies...if someone does not respect you- they have no self-respect....simple...period... it is a reflection of them on you...and it is the same with trust...if someone does not trust you- then they are untrustworthy and/ or very insecure...BAD CHOICE for a partner in life or friendship!( if they are family- then you are stuck with them and will have to learn an alternate way to deal with them but they can be a great lesson for you) ....and you are never going to change someone else...only THEY can do it- IF they choose to...and it's work-sometimes ALOT of work...are you willing to wait it out..for years, maybe? or do you choose to be happy NOW ..sometimes you have to let go...it is your choice..sometimes letting go of someone in pain is the best thing you can do for them because it may slap them into reality and getting help if they need it...if they don't then they have made the choice to stay in pain...some revel in it because it gives them an excuse to be mentally lazy....and manipulative which gives them some false sense of power...
we can learn alot from our pets if we observe them closely...my cats have taught me alot about self esteem... as well as the few dogs i have had in the past, about unconditional love...even fish and turtles and salamanders...they all have a certain lesson to teach us....i think observing nature is one of the best ways we can learn about the core of life...we are part of nature but we tend to forget that and think we are outside of it...just sit quietly in nature and observe...it is like a perfect silent symphony...all in sync within what could be viewed as chaos...watch a hawk in the sky...i can watch them for hours doing their dance with perfect precision...biding their time...the complete patience..skill and confidence ..and they always get their prize....
most of the illnesses we get as humans are due to our negative emotions...that is one big thing animals have over us...they know when to use emotions and when not to...they are pure instinct and we are 'not so pure' intellect alot of the time...which i DO NOT see as an advantage for us...all in all i feel animals are much 'smarter' than we are...they have 'horse' sense....they always know what to do for themselves...
when we don't have-or BELIEVE we don't have love...we can obsess about it...but think for a moment....you DO have love in your life in one way or another- don't you?? ...love is love- there are no 'kinds' of love...we choose to express it in different ways which are appropriate to the situation in which we are applying it....love is not something that 'happens' to you...that you 'earn' by doing anything...it is an energy that exists all around us...it is here..there and right in front of you... we CHOOSE to use it and feel it...it is not some miraculous event that is bestowed on us if we have been 'good'...it is there for the taking ...every second of every day...think about your pets...the utter joy you can feel when you have a 'moment' with them- they are being affectionate and giving you all the attention you can handle and all they want to do is love you...that little thrill you feel when you are exchanging affection..the abandon of emotion...that is the core of love..that is how we should feel with one another...if you have children, parents, friends..we all have love in our lives and we often take that for granted when there is something 'else' we want...sometimes we need to stop WANTING so much and just BE...and enjoy the love we do have- then we open ourselves to more and from others....
i think that humans are not meant to be alone- we are pack animals and so we have friends and family and yes- we all want a partner in life...and it is a wonderful thing when it is good...but i also feel when we think that this is so unobtainable- that is what it becomes...we ALWAYS get what we 'expect' and if we all think back to 'mistakes' we have made i think we can almost always remember there might have been a little voice inside saying that things would never work out...if that is what you expect- it is what you will get...which can be a GOOD thing if it was a bad choice...but there we get back to our self-image...why would me make a bad choice- settle for less than we deserve? ..because we do not feel we deserve better...... if we happen to make a fairly GOOD choice but still do not have our self-esteem where it should be...it can still be a disaster if the other person doesn't understand-is not willing to help-is not supportive or suggest you get help with it...or you won't try to change it...or admit you have an issue that needs to be dealt with....chances are you made the good choice by accident...and if you are not healthy- will get bored eventually with 'too much goodness'...maybe you need chaos or think you do...trust me- YOU DO NOT!
we all need to look in the mirror...and change what is there that we see needs changing...and the truth is EVERYONE has an issue or two.....did you have parents??? yes? then..you HAVE AT LEAST ONE!
i think we are supposed to...i feel this is how we learn who we are...if we all came into this life perfect- what would be the point of living? we live to learn...and yes- have fun and laugh and love and experience pleasure and make music and art and eat and dance....but we cannot do those things 'correctly' unless we know who we are and become a healthy person who is experiencing happiness by their OWN doing...the happy feelings will be fleeting... it is a life-long journey but we can take joy in the learning....and no one else can MAKE you happy....we will always have sorrow to deal with at times...anger...disappointment... but all things to grow from....
it is difficult to feel good things when we have been hurt...but we must at some point in the grieving- realize that to forgive is for US...not the person being forgiven...it releases US from hanging on to resentment which is very unhealthy...it makes us sick in the mind and body...we do ourselves honor when we forgive...others are being the best 'them' they can be at the time and if they are hurtful people- they are in pain themselves .... they never have to know you have forgiven them..only YOU need to know it...you are not condoning a negative thing they have done- you are releasing yourSELF..
on forgiveness...it took me some time to learn that FIRST i had to forgive ME for things i was not even conscious of feeling guilty about ...guilt can become an addiction...and it is actually totally self-indulgent...narcissistic ...think about it! but you cannot truly forgive someone else unless you forgive yourself first...that is the place to start with forgiveness....this really hit home with me when i studied 'a course in miracles'...and truly- guilt is not a feeling i have dealt with in a very long time....it is very freeing...
we have too many 'options' placed in front of us...if you feel bad- go out and buy something we don't need..it makes us feel better for a few hours....get drunk...eat junk food...or make someone else feel bad.... all a waste of time and energy....we think too much- of ways to get even and get over on others- show them a thing or two or we wallow in self-pity or go see a doctor for chemicals to make it go away...if only we would follow our own instincts- but we have been programmed to forget them...so we have books and tapes and dvd's and therapists...all can be helpful if we need them...
i have a great man in my life...with a good heart, talent, a wonderful sense of humor and ravenous appetite ...we have 4 wonderful cats...a roof... food on the table....hummingbirds in the yard...i have talent to use...a ton of kitchen tools and lots of art supplies...i am a wealthy person! and yes...the old issues ( and new ones- oh joy!) crop up here and there...but i have tools now...i know what to do...and it gets easier but it is always work...i keep reading and learning and working on it....and i try to do it with love and i always try to forgive and sometimes i really have to work on it-and i lose it....but recovery is a work in process and i think we have to take joy in learning and forgive ourSELVES when we fall...because loving one's SELF is the key to everything else..and falling is a reminder not to get lazy about it!
something i feel is very important to remember is that there really are only TWO emotions- out of which the other 'feelings' we can have are borne...there is love and there is fear....love we understand- an unselfish concern for another...laughter, enjoyment and pleasure are love- music and art and cooking are love- gardening is love....fear gives birth only to the negative ...jealousy- resentment- hatred- prejudice- depression- self-loathing..etc etc...think of a negative way you feel about something and see if you can find the connection to fear...often when we don't understand things we fear them and turn that into hate....
i felt compelled to write these thoughts because i see so many people around me in pain and sadness and i know those feelings..i am not meaning to lecture but just share what i have learned thru my own experiences with pain and loss...and hope that if you find something in them for you- they may help in some way....and i am feeling it with love ;-)....if you need help with your grief there is no shame in getting some...it is very difficult sometimes to change our view without guidance in seeing about how we get 'stuck'....i seek guidance all the time..i have as many philospohy and self-help books as i do cookbooks...and some are more helpful than therapists...
try to have FAITH..that all is as it is supposed to be right now and there is a reason...a door to open or to close...a change that needs to be made...a better choice...that is going to lead you to what you want and is best for you....be patient and gentle with yourself...cry-scream- let it all out and then let it go.....
take heart, friends...this too shall pass and all will be well....
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