eat 'em and weep -sniff 'em, don't sleep....

this jar of onions cure thing ain't working! i breathe deeply-my eyes do not water-i am awake....
it's a funny thing about me and onions-a love- hate thing...  hate, presently , for not making me sleep as they are allegedly *supposed* to...an ancient time-proven sleep remedy that does not work for MOI ....do i ALWAYS have to be the exception to everything???

LOVE them on a burger- straight up RAW and naked- LOTS of them so that their fragrance lingers for hours...and keeps evil spirits and mean people away ....when i slice, chop, mince, or dice them they hardly ever make we weep...aren't they supposed to? hmm...add another dysfunctional relationship to the list....me and onions-entangled in an unhealthy way....we glare at each other-they from their cold dark dungeon in the fridge- me from above -large knife in hand, craving to hack them into pieces.....yet, we seem to 'need' eachother....sometimes, dysfunction makes you feel alive...

other than raw, they need to be cooked to death for me to eat them...i mean carmelized to a deep, dark brown with all their natural sugars purged-almost incinerated....when they are 'half- cooked', by my standards- just glossy, with still a little chew to them, which i feel as rubbery- they make me weep - can't eat 'em....none of this 'middle of the road' crap, for me-in position, music or onions...and this is true for all genre of onion- yellow, white, spring , shallots, etc....it is an all encompassing onion ethic to which i hold tightly...

one of my favorite recipes in the universe is my mother's onion sauce...a simple yet rich, thick velvety blanket of deliciousness served several different ways...i have been told i should bottle and sell it...
when made... pounds of onions are sliced and never a tear is shed....but those eyeball-ish pearl onions floating in thick white goop that people serve for thanksgiving....or wormy "french onion" soup....THOSE make we weep OUT LOUD...YUK!

i have a plush stuffed onion...yes i DO!  when you smack or sqeeze it...it makes a crying noise....mark gave it to me years ago....it was 'cute'- so he thought and so did i when i saw it... as i sit here it peers out at me from my slightly open desk drawer .....he seems to be laughing at me, he wants to kill me...he is evil and scary and yet...i love him....
an odd little gift, i know, who has a plush onion? only me...but then, only mark would buy such a thing....little did he know what a cruel joke that would seem on this night 11 years later...i should post a picture of it on facebook...it has arms and legs and is anatomically correct....but the FUCKER can't make me sleep....CAN YOU, ONION??? HUH??? stop LOOKING AT ME!

the insomnia onion cure text states that if need be,  one should put sliced onion under one's pillow, if the "jar breathing" does not work....can't do it-my kiwi cat will never sleep there with me again...cats HATE onions...cats are wise and perhaps they know something we do not...they do not trust them.....why would they? besides, can you imagine how badly that would reek after a few days??

well...it is time to go back to bed and try, once more....i am going to take the plush onion and place it under my pillow....why not? what can it hurt? you never know what can work and maybe he will suffocate under there...and stop making that annoying crying noise...that will teach the little bastard to laugh at me....